Longing

I am longing for a place where I had been in

A place where my constellation was not yet in existence

When my limbs were just tiny branches of ungrown trees

With my spirit slept in the breath of the angels as the lullaby

And the divine love as the only tenderness I recognized

I am longing for a place I am going to be in

A place where my constellation dies of exhaustion

When my limbs will become solid and bushy roots

With my spirit sleeps in the dark hollow as the chamber

And the divine love as the only tenderness I'll be expecting

Lifeform (Part 1)

With trembling hands, she put the thing on my palm. She look away, obstruct the worries and fears that I could have seen in her eyes.
I look down to discover two red lines on the test pack she gave me.
"This is..." I look at it over and over again in disbelief
"Terrifying," she says in a croaky voice.

With no invitation, the cold wind comes in, smothers me.
And I am stuck in the avalanche.

I asked God to send me a person who will hold my hands and watch me as I fix myself. He gave me more. He sent me one who helps me fix myself.

And for once in a million years this despicable being feels grateful.

Going home

I wanna leave you
I wanna lose us
I wanna give up
But I won’t

I wanna miss this
I want a heartache
I wanna run away
But I won’t

The Civil Wars - Same Old Same Old

Unloved

A man approaches me

He said that he loves me

While it's my skin that he enjoys

A woman embraces me

She said that she loves me

While it's my blood that she considers

Another man inarmed me

He said that he loves me

While it's the idea of me that he adores

And here comes me

I said that I love myself

While it's my white lies that I am craving for

Evaporate

I am a drop of morning dew on dandelion.
When the light warmly embraces me, you'll behold all the beauty in me. Not even a single drop concealed.
Watching my move will be enchanting. As if you were listening to the sound of tiny bells ringing in the wind.
But my show time is very short. My beauty won't last long.
For the light turns savage, devastating all my beauty it just revealed.
You will find me lay in a spot of weak light. With my body dried and wrinkled.
Slowly I'll disappear forever.

And you?
You'll walk away, start your day with morning spirit upon you.

Sepi

"Apakah ia kesepian?"

ya, ia merasa sepi.
"Namun mengapa ia selalu menolak ditemani?"
karena hanya orang itu, ia yang meramaikan benaknya di keheningan malam yang bisa mengusir sepinya yang membekukan kalbu. 
"..........."
bukanlah siapa-siapa lagi.
"jadi dia akan menunggu?"
Ya, ia akan menunggu orang itu memohon diri. Menemaninya dalam sepi yang kelak menjadi hangat karenanya.

"Lisa, pergi dari situ. Percaya padaku. Jangan dengarkan dia,"
Selangkah demi selangkah aku mendekatinya yang masih berdiri terpaku di sebrang ruangan.
Di sampingnya, berdiri pria itu. Pria yang selalu menggunakan setelan hitam kaku. Ia menatapku dan menyeringai. Dengan nada yang sama, ia menyalin kata-kataku,
"Lisa, pergi dari situ. Percaya padaku. Jangan dengarkan dia."

Aroma nafasnya menyeruak, membuat udara ruangan berbau darah. Hawa dingin menggelitik punggungku.
Namun, tak sedikit pun Lisa beranjak, malah merosot tubuhnya. Terduduk ia di atas permadani dengan bahu berguncang. Isak tangisnya memecah keheningan malam.
"Tidak, jangan lakukan ini lagi. Kumohon, Han,"
Ia memeluk lututnya, menatapku dengan tatapan yang membuat ngilu hati. Air matanya mengalir deras.
"Kau harus menjauh darinya. Ia menyembunyikan pisau dibalik jas hitamnya!"
Teriakku menghentikan isaknya sesaat.
Seringai pria itu makin ganas. Perlahan ia selipkan tangan kanannya dalam jas hitamnya.

Tuhan, jangan.

Sebelum aku sempat melangkah, benda itu sudah digenggamnya. Sebuah belati yang telanjang. Menjadi jelas dan berkilauan memantulkan cahaya rembulan.
Keringat menetes dari dahiku. Aku terpaku sesaat. Namun isakan Lisa yang kembali terdengar menyadarkanku.
Segera aku berlari. Tanpa ampun kutabrak angin dan kuhajar jarak. Hening malam makin terbunuh dengan suara perabotan berkelontangan terjatuh.

Inhuman

I was miles away when the screen suddenly went blank and the lights went on. Everyone rises from their seat with their hands clapping. I startled and quickly shake my head to get out of my reverie. 

Still in confusion, I join the standing crowd, contributing the noise with an awkward applause.

The movie must be so amusing as giggles and laughter fill the room with warmth.

And I must have lost track. 

To appraise, the movie was great and amazing.

Yet it left me no feeling of amusement. I neither feel fascinated nor impressed. But it was not about the movie. And I have no sentence as the reason.

I look around my surrounding. 

Scanning the spacious room, I am hoping to find another pair of eye with empty stare among this crowd.

But I could not find another human being with bored face just like mine. 

Have I told you yet?

Have I told you yet?

I am afraid of darkness

Yet I couldn't stand brightness

Have I told you yet?

I fear of getting lost

Yet I want to be a free bird

Have I told you yet?

I am afraid of love

Yet I am longing for tenderness

Have I told you yet?

I fear of being messed up

Yet I live with chaotic mind

Have I told tou yet?

I am terrified to see you turn your back on me

Yet I'm helpless to see you in the eye